Nightlife of a Cruise Ship Musician

So, you ask, what is a typical night like for a cruise ship musician?

Last night one of the casino girls, sloppy and silly from being clearly over-served at the Officers Bar (OB), showed up in the Petty Officers Mess (PO) at 6am stark naked from the waist up. A cabin steward saw her as she went, ran after her, torn off his own shirt to cover her, and tried to escort her back to her room. Unfortunately, she had already stepped into the PO, where sat two security officers. Walking around half naked and totally drunk is a bit of a no-no of course, so she was alcohol tested straight away, and although I’ve not heard the outcome, I think we could safely assume that she may soon be leaving us.

Next, more drunken foolishness, a brand new salon guy – new to ships and only having joined us 2 days ago – was also over-served in the OB last night and while trying to stumble back to his cabin on A Deck forward, he somehow – against, believe me, ALL odds – walked to the Pinacle Grill Restaurant (Deck 2 midship) and passed out there, presumably in one of the booths. The security officers, who must have been busy last night, found him there in the morning. He was alcohol tested and miraculously passed, although passing out drunk in a passenger area is, by itself, a terminating offense.

I, however, did not run around naked in passenger areas or anything like that last night, but I was, dare I say it, a bit over-served myself last night in the OB. My friend Chris, another piano player, is leaving after this cruise, and if I want to hang out with him, I’ll need to be in the OB if you know what I mean. But all excuses aside. So there I am, in the OB, a little woozy, and the love of my life walks in. Well, not really the love of my life, but in that state, anyone could probably have been the love of my life.

I start a conversation with the blond, Australian beauty – who was, by the way, drinking cranberry juice and probably not impressed me at the time. Naturally, I ask the young bird to dinner for some night in the future, so that we might become better acquainted.

Now, I’ve gotten plenty of excuses from women in my life, but this one absolutely takes the cake. First, she gave me an absolute no. I must have looked a bit surprized, or drunk, or hurt, or all of that – so she explained why (now get this): This girl told me that the reason that we could not go to dinner together, was that she did not get involved with guys that she felt were not in her past life.

I swear I’m not making this up.

PAST LIFE? Are you nuts? What on earth do you say to that? Of course, I said, “Not in your past life? Sure I was! I was right there, don’t you remember me? I was tall, dark, handsome, full head of hair, charming…ring a bell??”

See, these are the kinds of women that you find working on cruise ships. They are all nuts. Most of them are a good kind of nuts, not this sort of I-Only-Associate-Myself-With-People-From-My-Past-Life nonsense. Can you imagine living like that? Who would you actually be friends with then?

I remember now talking to this same girl once before and the subject of past lives came up. I’m always game for interesting conversation, so I told her that in my past life I was an American pioneer (…or whatever…), and I asked her what she was. She looked at me with a shocked sort of You’re-In-Trouble-With-Teacher look and said, “Well, I don’t think I know you well enough for that, now do I?!”

Huh? What? Where am I? Somebody please explain to me how well you need to know somebody before you tell them what you were in your past life. Is this supposed to be some well kept secret or something? Did I come out of the womb with some sort of certificate saying “Hello, my name is Dave. My name used to be Bob Schmoo and I used to make shoes for a living. I was a real loser. Stay away from blond Australians.” If I’m supposed to keep my past life a secret, then why stop there? Maybe I should keep who I am in this life a secret. Shhh! Don’t tell ANYONE!!!

Anyway, the night in the OB was perhaps a bit above average for this cruise ship musician, even though I did get told to bugger off, but I think it’s about par for the course with most of the people here. Cheers.