Cruise Ship Musician Q and A

I got some questions today, so I thought I’d answer them here:

What are the passengers like? Mostly European? Friendly? Dripping with wealth?
The passengers are mostly American, and mostly eligible for senior citizen discounts back in the States. There is the occasional child on board, but they all seem pretty bored by the end of the cruise. Everyone is probably pretty well off, although I think some people may have just saved enough money for this cruise. I haven’t met an upset passenger yet, they seem to be well satisfied with the cruise.

Are you sure they like the cheesy music?
Yes.

What clothing do you wear for performing?
There are several different outfits, depending on the dress code (casual, informal or formal). I was given one black suit – European cut, very nice – and I wear that most of the time. I either wear a black shirt with the black suit or I wear this strange, stretchy, blue muscle shirt. None of us fill out the muscle shirt in the right places and band has dubbed it “The Wetsuit.” I think a wetsuit might be more comfortable. Also, we have these odd rayon shirts with large white circles connecting all over a black background. That shirt gives me a headache whenever I see it.

What do the other musicians do with their free time?
I haven’t quite figured that out. I asked one of them the other day and he said, “Whatever you want, mate” – clearly not understanding the question. For the most part, I believe they sleep in, catch a leisurely lunch, learn a foreign language, read, layout in the sun, and spend the night at the officer’s bar.

Do you have groupies yet? Standing ovations?
I was playing in the Piano Bar the other night and these two guys were sticking around talking to me, asking for show tunes. Well, it didn’t take too long to figure out they were partners, which I think is great…but then the transvestite showed up. Now, I’m ALL for people picking own course in life. I consider myself a liberal, progressive American who is ok with alternative lifestyles. But this man had breasts, and it sort of threw me. I have inherited the unfortunate trait from my mother that I am unable to hide from my face my initial emotional reaction to things (thanks Mom…). So when the transvestite showed up I must have given him/her a sort of “holy GOD!” sort of look, because she/he clearly felt uncomfortable and left quickly. He, himself, had a sort of look like, “oh dear, that poor piano player’s going to have a coronary, I better leave.” To the transvestite, if you’re out there, I’m sincerely sorry.

50 cent beer? Horrors! Wouldn’t that encourage alcoholism?
Yes, it probably does. I had a drink and a few glasses of wine at the bar the other night. I got the bill yesterday – $4.50. Try that on land.