Things I Forgot About Working on a Cruise Ship

The cruise director often gets on the intercom and talks about the upcoming events.  When they do there’s a calming “ding-dong” over the speakers in the hallway.  But when its a announcement that needs to be heard by everyone – go to lifeboat drill, for example – then the announcement comes over the hall speakers as well as the speakers inside the cabin.  Ding-dong.  I forgot how often there are announcements on a cruise ship.

I forgot how it feels to gently rock back and forth over the waves as the big ship pushes forward.  It rocks you to sleep at night, and if you don’t close your bathroom door it sometimes swings stiffly an inch this way and an inch that way…

We used to call passengers “cones”.  See, passengers are on vacation and they don’t walk anywhere quickly.  But since you live there and you need to get somewhere, you walk quicker.  And you end up dodging in between passengers like its a obstacle course set up with orange cones.  So passengers are sometimes called “cones” by the crew.  This also helps in that you can talk about “cones” while in public areas and the guests probably won’t know what you’re talking about.  Its code, get it?

Cruise ship stages are super hi-tech.  They are surrounded by moving intelli-lights on the ceiling and walls.  The stage usually has several hydraulic lifts.  There are fog and haze machines and sound equipment of a quality I don’t usually see.  A lot of money is spent on entertainment.

The salad bar is open all day.  So is the dessert bar.  You know you should go to one and not the other, but that never goes right.

The pools on cruise ships usually look like they aren’t filled all the way to the top.  There’s always a foot of exposed wall between the top of the pool and the top of the water.  This is so the pool water has room to splash from one side to the other when the ship is rolling and churning over waves.

The elevators are located right next to the stairs on cruise ships.  There are three sets on each deck – forward, midship and aft.  And yet young, healthy looking passengers will often take the elevator up just one flight.  These elevators are in constant use and are sometimes very slow.  Passengers will wait 5 minutes to take the elevator a distance that would have taken them 6 seconds to walk.  I mean, when you are standing at the elevators – you can SEE the next deck up through the stairs.  Its right there!  I’ll never understand it.

The interior design of cruise ships uses a lot of mirrors, perhaps to give the illusion that you are in an enormous space and not confined in a big, floating, steel box.

Everyone on cruise ships – passengers and crew a like – have cabin stewards.  They clean your room, make your bed, give you clean towels, vacuum.  Every.  Single.  Day.  No joke!  What a cushy life.